I Hate You So Much You Make My Kismesis Look Good
by Torgaydo
Summary: Hairstylist AU - Karkat owns a store called Crab's Salon where he gets some very interesting customers. However, there are two customers that he cannot stand. But those boys turn will soon turn his life upside down. Will they find out the secret Karkat is desperately trying to conceal?


The familiar ring of the door opening (not once, but twice) made Karkat pick up his head and turn to face the man standing at the door. 'He looks as ridiculous as ever,' Karkat grumbled in his mind as he stood up from one of the salon chairs, putting down his magazine. After cutting hair, the troll would sometimes take a break when business was slow. Today was one of those days. It was a day were the salon was empty and people could just walk in and get a hair cut without an appointment. Karkat usually hates when people do that, it throws of his schedule. However, days like today were exceptions.

But Karkat had an appointment set up with this man, since he was the only one allowed to touch his hair. He has been dreading this appointment for a while.

Approaching the counter, the man adjusted his red and blue glasses. Those frames were a fashion disaster, Karkat and Kanaya both agreed on that. The two would secretly ridicule his fashion sense after he left the salon. The part-timer Nepeta, a college freshman who desperately needed this job, greeted the man. "Oh, hello there sir!" She acknowledged with a wide grin spreading across her face. "Do you have an appointment scheduled fur today? Or are you just dropping by to see if you can make one?"

"I have an appointment made already with KK," The man lisped. "My name is Sollux Captor." Nepeta flipped through the book of appointments, tapping her pink kitty-cat pen against the table. "Oh, here you are!" She stated. "Sollux Captor, scheduled for Tuesday at two o'clock."

Karkat rolled his eyes. Tuesday? As in... _Twosday_? Good one, Captor.

"Well Karkitty is right ofur there!" Nepeta said, pointing in the direction of the grumpy troll. Sollux walked over to Karkat, plopping himself down in the black leather salon chair without acknowledging the Cancer first. This was the usual routine. Karkat grabbed his scissors from off the table, twirling them in his hand. "Let me guess," Karkat began. "You want the same hair cut as last time?" The Gemini nodded, glaring at Karkat for his use of constant sarcasm. "And keep it-"

"Symmetrical. Yeah yeah, I know already," Karkat grumbled, practically pushing Sollux off the chair and dragging him over toward the sinks. "You're in a pleasant mood today, KK," Sollux grumbled as he sat himself down by the sinks. He leaned his head back as Karkat turned on the water. "Sorry," the troll grumbled, not sincere about his apology. "Today is just going to be a bad day." "What makes you say that?" Sollux asked, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

Karkat said nothing.

As if on cue, they entered through the door. The two of them always got a hair cut together, as if it were some weird tradition. The two boys were best friends, maybe even more? Karkat didn't know, or really care, they weren't his clients.

But fuck, they were good looking.

Spoiler alert, Karkat's gay. Ever since he was a little grub, he's always liked boys more than girls (well... Except that one time he liked Terezi). Nobody in the salon knew this about him, none of his friends. Except for his best friend, Gamzee Makara. Why he chose that idiot over of everyone else was still a mystery to even himself. Gamzee just seemed to be the understanding type. Plus, Karkat was pretty sure that the purple-blood kissed a few guys himself.

Dave and John, the two best friends, approached the receptionist. Karkat stared at them from over at the sinks. He roughly massaged Sollux's hair with shampoo. "Hey! Watch it KK!" Sollux hissed. "Sorry," Karkat mumbled absently, his gaze still fixed in front of him. He took a quick reconassisnce of the boys.

John Egbert: A lovable character over all. Hardly seen without a smile on his face. His shiny raven hair was usually slicked up awkwardly into a weird position. His two front teeth seemed a bit larger than the rest, but his million dollar grin made up for it. John was a nerd who loved many cheesy movies. Karkat could sort of relate to that, however his movies weren't /that/ corny... At least that's what he hoped. John also wore rectangle frames over his shiny blue eyes. Pretty attractive.

Dave Strider: mysterious. Karkat knew almost nothing about Dave's personality and interests. All he really knew was that Dave was sarcastic and liked to rap occasionally. He hated Dave's personality for the most part. All he really liked was his looks. Tall with shaggy blond hair and pale skin. His face was a bit of a mystery as well. The idiot always wore sunglasses, even indoors. And his expression never changed, it was always stoic and serious. Karkat hated that.

"Oh hi John, Dave!" Nepeta greeted with her usual grin. "Vriska and Terezi have been waiting fur you two to show up!"

Vriska was probably the most hated employee in Crab's Salon. Why Karkat kept her around? Again, he wasn't too sure himself. She did have some loyal clients (well, two loyal clients). Other clients would hope and pray that they didn't end up with her. She wouldn't cut your hair the way you wanted it, ever. She'd do what she thought looked best on you. Insults would be fired if you complained. She was also insanely rude and somewhat frightening. Her long black hair reached her mid-back. She wore a pair of black jeans, a black shirt, and a grey jacket that had been ripped at the sleeves. Adjusting her glasses, she motioned John over. "Oh Joooooooohn~" She cooed. "Let's hurry and get this done. I have a lot of customers today." Vriska always said that, even when it wasn't true. John nodded his head and made his way over to the troll.

Terezi was a strange employee. Though she was blind, she was excellent at cutting hair. Many customers didn't trust her though. Who would what a blind person cutting their hair? So she hardly mentioned the fact that she couldn't see. The red shades that sat on her face were declared to be a fashion statement and not a way of hiding her blindness. She was shorther than Vriska with black hair that reached the tip of her shoulders and curled up. A wicked looking grin was always present on her face, exposing her sharp teeth. "You too Dave, lets do this!" Dave nodded his head and walked over to her.

Dave was probably the only one who had complete trust in Terezi. Why? Karkat was unsure. He suspected that getting your hair cut by someone blind made it "ironic" or something so stupid like that. The blond seemed to feast off of irony. Or maybe he wasn't doing it to be ironic, maybe he sincerely liked Terezi. The troll bit his lower lip hard, puncturing himself with his sharp teeth. The pain distracted him and made him focus on work again. He shut off that water and sat Sollux up, wrapping a towel around his head. "Go sit down," Karkat ordered. Sollux made a face, stood up, and walked back to the salon chair.

"Someone is in a particularly sour mood this day," Kanaya commented quietly as she passed Karkat, carrying a box of shampoos in her arms to restock the shelves. Kanaya was probably his best employee. Her hair cutting skills were undeniably flawless. Not to mention her amazing sense of fashion. She had the ability to make a person about twenty percent more attractive with a single hair cut. Kanaya was practically always booked. In fact, she had a customer coming over soon, even on slow days like this. Karkat and her were also great friends. She was easy to talk to and extremely caring. However, the red blood was not in the mood to be chastised by her today.

"I'm fine," he whispered behind clenched teeth. Kanaya rolled her eyes. "Surely that is not the case and you are well aware of that fact. You cannot state such blatant lies and plan to deceive me." Karkat decided it was best to ignore Kanaya and continue on with his client. As he combed Sollux's hair, he could hear some giggling coming from the other section of the salon.

"So John, have a girlfriend yet?" Vriska asked as she took him back from the sink and dried his wet hair. "Boyfriend," Dave corrected as he walked to his seat with Terezi. Did he really make Terezi wash his hair with those shades on? Did he ever take them off? "Oh fuck off Dave, I'm not gay I told you that." Terezi chuckled and shook her head. "Sure John. It's not a bad thing, you know."

"Shut up," John snapped defensively. "If anyone here is gay, it's Dave!" Karkat turned his head to look at Dave. Definitely not gay. He was straighter than a number two pencil. John? Karkat has seen circles straighter than him. Just look at the guy! Typical twink. However Karkat remained silent and began to neatly trim Sollux's hair.

"You're not really gay, right John?" Vriska asked, sounding a bit more serious than usual. "No! That's what I keep saying!" John exclaimed, flustered. "Keep your head still," she ordered, though she sounded a bit relieved. Kanaya was glancing over in Vriska's direction, frowning. "You're all gay," Terezi determined. "I'm not gay!" Vriska and John said in unison.

"SHUT UP WITH THE FUCKING GAY JOKES AND GET BACK TO WORK OR I SWEAR TO GOD I AM GOING TO CLAW MY WAY INTO YOUR SKULL AND RIP OUT YOUR THINKPANS ONE SPONGECELL AT A TIME," Karkat roared, glaring at the four trouble makers.

The entire shop became silent.

Karkat hurried and finished cutting Sollux's hair, trying his best to ignore the whispers coming from the corner.

"Geez."

"Is he always like that?"

"I feel bad for you guys."

"Now we know who the true gay one is."

The group snickered quietly. Karkat's cheeks stung red in embarrassment. Sollux nodded a simple thank you when he was finished. He tipped Karkat and made his way to the register to pay. Karkat sat down in the salon chair, heaving a heavy sigh. Bad day, just as he predicted. Kanaya looked over at him, giving her best "do you want to talk about your feelings" look. The red blood shook his head and prayed silently to no god in particular for this day to end.

He briefly glanced over at the group again. What caught his eye was Dave's face. He wasn't wearing those ridiculous shades. His eyes were still closed tight, but his facial features were some what identifiable. Slim face, rounded jaw, tall nose, and a dash of faded freckles underlining his eyes. That's all he could make out from his position.

Kanaya's newest client came in. It was that fish girl with the long, wavy, tangled mess of hair. Feferi was her name. She was certainly a very beautiful girl and many others had developed flush-crushes on her or have simply been infatuated by her beauty. However, without Kanaya's help, her hair would never be as amazing as everyone believed it to be. Nepeta greeted Feferi with a happy smile. The two go to the same college together, so they chatted briefly as Kanaya finished stacking the products on the shelf. Then the two made their way to the sinks.

The idiots finished up in no time and made their way over to the counter. "John, why do you always get the same dorky hair cut?" Dave questioned, his stupid shades back on his handsome face. "You always get that stupid hipster cut!" John retorted.

"You're such a nerd," Dave stated, rolling his eyes.

"I'm way tougher than you!" John said, pushing Dave.

Dave pushed back, harder. "No you're not."

John repeated the action. The whole thing was a joke at first but it didn't seem that way right now. "Yes I am."

They kept pushing each other back and forth until Dave shoved John so hard that he hurled into the shelf, causing it slam on the ground, making an alarmingly loud noise that made Karkat's eyes shoot wide open. The products spilled all over the floor. Some broken bottles leaked shampoo, conditioner, and styling gels everywhere. John gazed around, winced, and stood up.

Everyone in the store focused on Karkat, awaiting his reaction. He stood up slowly from his salon chair, his fists clenched and jaw tight. Walking over the boys, Karkat unfortunately realized how much shorter he was in comparison. But now was not the time to dwell on height issues. "Karkat I-" John began.

"DON'T EVEN START WITH ME," Karkat screamed, causing the boy to jump slightly. "YOU BOTH HAVE BEEN NOTHING BUT ABSOLUTE SHIT SINCE YOU MADE THE MISTAKE OF MERRILY STROLLING THROUGH THAT DOOR. YOUR OVERALL PRESENCE IRRITATES ME CONSTANTLY. I AM THROUGH PUTTING UP WITH YOUR FUCKERY. LOOK AT THE MESS YOU ASSLICKERS CONJURED UP! CONGRATULATIONS, DAVID, I GUESS YOU ARE THE TOUGH ONE. I HOPE THAT WAS WORTH KNOCKING OVER _MY_ SHELF, SPILLING _MY_ PRODUCTS, AND WRECKING _MY_ SALON. NOW, BEFORE I START TO REALLY GO INSANE, I WANT YOU BOTH TO PAY UP AND THEN LEAVE MY SHOP FOR GOOD. AND IF I SEE YOU HERE EVER AGAIN I SWEAR I WILL TAKE MY SCISSORS AND USE THEM TO CUT OFF EACH OF YOUR LIMBS AND DISPLAY THEM ON A TROPHY SHELF INSIDE MY HIVE!"

The entire shop was silent again.

John slowly dug some crumbled bills out of his wallet, paid Nepeta, tipped Vriska, and left.

Dave however, just _had_ to make a show before his grand exit. He took out his wallet, paid Nepeta, tipped Terezi, but instead of leaving, he turn to face Karkat. He walked up to him and handed him a twenty dollar bill. "Sorry for the mess, but don't worry. I'll repay you by taking you out on a date tomorrow."

Karkat's cheeks flushed bright red. He pushed Dave who narrowly slipped on shampoo. "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY SALON!." "See you at six, sweet cheeks," Dave said, pointing at Karkat before exiting the shop.

Karkat, still enraged, opened the door and yelled out, "I BETTER NOT SEE YOUR FACE EVER AGAIN! UGH, I HATE YOU SO MUCH YOU MAKE MY KISMESIS LOOK GOOD!" He slammed the door and turned back to face the mess. He took in a few deep breaths. He was furious still but he needed to calm down.

"... You have a kismesis?" Vriska asked, tilting her head. "It's an expression," he huffed bitterly, finally beginning to calm down. "Vriska, Terezi, clean up this mess."

"But-" Terezi began.

"STOP WHINING LIKE PATHETIC LITTLE GRUBS AND CLEAN THIS MESS OR YOU'RE FIRED."

The two grumpily nodded and began to clean up. Karkat sat down in the salon chair, burying his face in a magazine. The shop was quieter than a grave yard.

Today was just a bad day.


End file.
